A Love Letter to My Husband On Valentine's Day
Dear person I married,
It’s Valentine’s Day. This used to mean a few different things: I would get really really dressed up, put up my hair, we’d go out to a swank restaurant and indulge in a few glasses of wine and a few courses of dinner. We’d go to a movie, or dancing. We’d come home and -ahem - enjoy our evening. There were roses. It was so lovely.
That’s probably not the case this year, realistically. We’re parents.
As I write this to you, I’m sitting on the couch over a towel covering the still-needs-to-be-cleaned pee stain from our two and a half year old’s potty accident. I have day three hair, questionably clean leggings on, and a pad for my own urinary incontinence because I’m pregnant with our third child and our massive babies have left me, well, freer.
I don’t have any make up on. I don’t plan on getting out of these leggings, and I’m pretty sure the hat that I’ve been wearing for two seasons is molded into the shape of my ponytailed head.
I think we can both agree, that I’m not the same person you married.
I’m hoping you’ll also agree, that it is a good thing that I’m not.
The ‘me’ that you married put a lot of stock into visual appearances. She was skinnier, yes, and probably a bit healthier. She took time to make sure her shoes matched and her hair was perfectly coiffed.
The ‘me’ that you married was a busy working teacher, driven to complete a Master’s program and eagerly chat about our like profession. She liked to venture out as often as possible and planned custom itineraries for vacations just for us two. She stayed up late, and had boundless energy.
This ‘me’ is different: I’m Mom first, wife undoubtedly second, and a business owner third. Mom, the first role, has changed me to my very core. I’m sorry/not sorry about that.
While my body is softer, my confidence and self assurance is stronger. I don’t need the makeup or the clothes to define me anymore, and I feel more comfortable most of the time in my own skin.
My children have made me compassionate, listen better, and strive to celebrate the small things each day. We love when you come home, it’s our favorite time of day! Being a work from home Mom, while I’m sure a terrifying adjustment for you three years ago, has afforded me the peace to create a happy, whole home, while also being there for you when you walk in the door to discuss the profession you’re still in that I left.
I’m sorry that it’s been a rocky adjustment. I know that if you could go back in time, you probably had no idea that your wife would go through such a shocking transformation. The pre-kids you might have recoiled at my appearance today, or the idea of spending a Sunday at Port Discovery climbing a play zone instead of looking for a new city walk in D.C.
I may not be able to stay up as late as before, or have as much energy. The kids suck a bit of it out of me. I’m hoping that you’re ok with that, because it means they had a fun and fulfilled day of my full (well, mostly) attention during this important time in their childhood.
We may not always get the chance to get dressed up and go out, like we used to for Valentine’s Day. I can promise you when we do, it’ll be really special. What matters most to me, though, this Valentine’s Day, is that every day with you is special, and we don’t need all of the other things around the special ‘day’ to celebrate it.