The Importance of Inclusive Language in Labor Roles
I was struck by the importance of how I address members of a birth team one occasion when I was stepping out of a conversation with two of my colleagues, who were a same sex couple, and caught myself saying something that I usually do as second nature, which was to bid them goodbye with the phrase
“See you soon, guys.”
I cringed.
Because they are awesome humans, both of them were super gracious and it wasn’t even discussed, but I had a nagging need to correct myself.
We get used to using assumed terms and language in our daily lives; how many of us take the moment and the appropriate foresight and conscientious practice of making those we are addressing feel included?
I was also struck by the way that my language MOST of the time is roped into my privilege; of being a white, heterosexual, married woman. I started to examine many of the things I say, most of them without a second thought, and how exclusionary those words can be to others.
You know that saying, “Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but words will never hurt me?”
Because words HURT. Words are used regularly to include, or to exclude.
And when you’re in labor, when you’re a partner - hell, if you’re not a partner, but a best friend/mom or SUPPORT person for a single laboring woman, or a person who identifies as something other than a woman, it’s when you’re at your most vulnerable. Those words that we sling around without thought are far more crippling and sting deeper.
Not everyone has a partner.
So many assume the ‘birth partner’ is a Dad. It might be a Mom, or a Wife.
You, as a laboring soul, might not feel like a ‘mama’. Or a ‘mother.’ Or even, if in a stage of transition - a ‘woman.’
You are you. You deserve the words that help you identify with your soul.
This is why, when you have hired and trusted a dedicated support member of your team, whether it be your labor or postpartum doula, class instructor, or consultant, to serve you during this time, we want to honor you and your support where you are at, where you identify.
In short, we want to welcome you into your moments with open arms, to a place where you fit, where you belong, where you can be comfortable and safe.
That’s why you’ll always hear our team talk to you about what you wish yourself, your support team/partner/husband/wife/friend, yourself, your baby, to be called.
It’s that important.
So go ahead - honor your relationships, the people you care for, and think deeply about the phrasing you choose. It can be as healthful to a pregnant family as the prenatal care they’re receiving, and it’s excellent mental health care!
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