Loving Yourself When You DON’T Love Yourself
I love my body.
I love what it’s been through, I love what it’s done.
I’ve brought three live babies into the world, I’ve lost two babies.
My body has grown, it’s gotten deposits of fat to feed my babies and myself when I forget to, it’s held onto those things.
It’s been through a lot.
I also DON’T love my body.
I don’t love the sad hammock of skin that hangs from where my tight, firm(ish) stomach used to be.
I don’t love that I have extra places for hugs and squeezes, shelves on my hips to hold kids, sagging breasts that used to be perky - have you ever stood in the mirror, moms, and held your breast tissue up to where it was when you were 20? Then let it go? Sad, right? - and the gray hairs that are starting to sprout like turnip shoots from the top of my head.
My body is definitely not where I want to be, and it’s getting there slowly.
The act of loving yourself takes different forms throughout life, and it's definitely hardest for me in this age of mothering.
I’ve decided, however, that I’m not going to deny myself the self care and love that I need, just because I'm not the size tag that I want to achieve, clearest skin, etc.
Because denying yourself love ‘until’ is conditional love, and we all deserve to love ourselves, unconditionally, even when we don’t LIKE certain things about ourselves.
Yes, the war in our heads is loud, and strong, and we swear that everyone is looking at the things that we are most sensitive and hyper aware of.
That doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to take care of yourself and give yourself a little more every once in awhile.
Don’t save that special pair of shoes for the right occasion, or the dress for when you feel like you look a certain way. Wear the damn outfit, please. If it makes you happy, that will nurture you more than a drop in waistline will do five to ten months from now.
I’ve made up my mind that I’m not going to sit myself on a shelf with my pretty things and wait for when they’re worthy.
Because I’m worthy. Now, today, tomorrow, in all the different versions.
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