A Partner's Guide To Self Care During Birth
Labor is a challenge. It is physically and emotionally grueling on both the person giving birth and her support team. Similarly, it’s hard on a support partner. Most of the time, a labor transpires over a full day, so there will most definitely be loss of sleep. Each person deals with sleep deprivation differently. Most partners are driven to skip eating, going to the bathroom, drinking, and taking breaks to allow themselves to last through the rigors of birth.
Being a partner needs for you to take care of yourself. Birth is a marathon, not a sprint, and even the most seasoned to all nighters and grueling days will feel the toll of supporting someone over time. On the other hand, it’s not possible to take a ton of time out of the labor room, because the birthing person will definitely need support! Most laboring women lean heavily on their partner during the birthing process.
So how can you make sure you’re taking care of yourself?
Pack a Partner Bag
In this bag, you’re going to stock up on things to help yourself. You might need to put in snacks, heating packs and tennis balls for counter pressure just for yourself. Sweatshirts for comfort in cold rooms, knee pads if you’re doing a lot of hip squeezes, a comfortable pillow if you get a chance to rest.
Eat, Eat, Eat (Drink, Drink, Drink)
The partner who doesn’t nourish his/her body is bound to drop. Literally and emotionally. You need to snack continuously and hydrate to make sure you can be up and nourish your body. Even if you feel ok in the moment, down the road it’s hard to recover, especially with the unpredictability on when your next normal meal or chance to sit might be. You might not get one at all!
Wear Loungewear
This is not the time to keep on your ‘going into the office’ clothes or work shoes. Supportive footwear, socks, comfortable, free to move in clothing and extra layers are necessary for comfort. A birth will be miserable if you’re cold, or wet. Bring a change of clothes in case you’re supporting in the shower or birth tub.
Catch a Break When You Can
It’s highly important that when the laboring person is resting, you REST. So many times our labor doula team sees a woman laboring and getting sleep, or needing less physical support, and partner is on his/her feet, keeping watch, and staying awake. This is detrimental to your long term needs. If there’s time between active parts of labor to rest, rest. Get some coffee, sit down, close your eyes.
This is a great example of how to lean on your labor doula. A knowledgable professional can attend to the laboring person’s needs while you take a well deserved rest, knowing you’re not abandoning your partner.
Lean On The Staff For Information
If you’re feeling concerned about the progress of how labor is going, and don’t want your partner to feel your stress, ask the nurses, OBs/midwives and your doula. Do this while getting a break in the hall, out of earshot so you can gather all the information to reassure you that things are going well and you can continue to support with confidence.
Use Knowledge of Your Doula For Physical Support
If you plan on being physically supportive during labor, you might draw a blank, even if you have a toolkit you worked on in a labor class or with your doula prenatally. That’s why your birth professional is there! Your doula can suggest some new ideas that you can present to your partner and feel confident that you’re helping.
It often takes more than one person to support a person in labor. The physical demands and emotional ups and downs of the stages of the labor process are a great burden to put on a partner, especially one that is NOT a professional, expert on labor. Having help from a doula can provide this two person support, with a partner freed up to provide physical support in one location of the body, and the doula providing emotional and physical support. It allows a chance to switch, take turns, and allows breaks for you to get those things you need. Taking the ‘pressure off’ also allows you to be more physically present and, sometimes, to need less breaks!
It’s important to take care of yourself! You’re laboring, too! With these tools, and help of a birth professional, you will soar through your labor experience as a supportive partner.
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