Sticking to Your Routine on Holidays
I wake up, stumble to the kitchen, and pour myself coffee, thankful for my husband who wakes up earlier. He made just enough for me drink a few hot sips right now before I pour the rest into my travel mug during the stroller-walk commute to daycare and then work. I go to the bathroom while I still can without a tiny audience, a toddler who wants to know “what mama doing?” From the moment I get out of bed until I get a goodbye hug at daycare, I follow routines, or at least try to follow routines. Not rigidly, not strictly, not perfectly, but I do the same things in a predictable sequence and order often enough for a toddler (and me) to know what to expect and anticipate. Babies need routines, toddlers need routines, and families need routines.
I work with parents of infants and toddlers, and emphasize the importance of daily routines; what adults may consider the daily mundane tasks of caregiving are actually opportunities for children to learn, explore, interact, and bond. Even waiting to be picked up or allowing touch during diaper changes and dressing is an opportunity to practice important developmental skills. Rushing through these routines may feel necessary at times, but infants and toddlers can’t be rushed – it usually backfires on you if and when you try. Especially when you are trying to get out of the house in the morning.
In a few days, we will be trying to keep the same routines but hours away in a different state, waking up and falling asleep at my in-laws’ house. We will be visiting five different houses to celebrate the holidays, hopefully attending a toddler story-time at my cousin’s local library as well as a trip to the best tofu burrito place in my hometown. Our routines will be disrupted, and our days filled with new stimulation. Holidays and family visits involve many social events where infants and toddlers are expected to just go along with long car rides, air travel, and new faces. I learned from previous visits to our hometown—most recently during the Thanksgiving weekend—that it is important, and entirely possible, to stick to routines and participate in holiday and family rituals while avoiding (or limiting as much as possible!) overload, overstimulation, and meltdowns.
We aspire to stick to our morning routines, nap routines, play routines, meal time routines, bath routines, etc. – everything that needs to get done has its own routine. These routines are not super strict – I am flexible and adaptive to changes but the skeleton of a routine is still there, even if it’s just a familiar song I am singing - “lift this leg, and then the other”. Singing gets feet into shoes faster than telling my son that his shoes have to go on. Consistent and predictable daily routines can make life easier, less rushed, and allow more space and time for joyful moments. Since we have to do these daily caregiving tasks regardless – try to make them fun for everyone while getting the task at hand accomplished.
Routines keep everything going, even when: shoes are missing, water is spilled, a diaper that was just changed needs to be changed again, you’re in a different time-zone, and your child needs to sleep in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room with exciting noises and toys. Don’t let your need to follow routines take away from participating in any rituals. Eating a snack only at certain times may be a routine that works at home, but making cookies or participating in family rituals and traditions allows your child to be part of a community.
Some of these suggestions may work for your and your family, while some won’t resonate. Pick and choose what works for you. Or comment, and leave some suggestions for others!
Be upfront with others: Talk to others about what your child needs and what you need. Or ask your partner or someone else who is comfortable with that task. Don’t feel awkward asking people to change the time of events or limiting who gets to hold your newborn. If you want to relax with wine, and have your baby loved on by everyone and passed around, sit back and tell everyone that. If you want to have a hands-off baby policy, tell people that – or wear the baby in a wrap since people are less likely to ask to hold a baby if its snuggled against you and hidden from clear view.
Safeguard sleep – Sleep schedules may change, but try to get your child to sleep for the same amount of time as usual. Naptimes may be later or shorter, bedtimes may be later. You can ask relatives to suggest a quiet space for your child to nap or sleep if in advance so that you have a plan.
Prepare to have food available to feed your child. I spend Christmas Eve with my sitting at a table over several courses of seafood. I don’t eat seafood nor does my toddler. He also has some strong preferences and dislikes, and I have to plan for them, especially when he is not eating at home. I let him try anything if asked or may even offer a taste of something but I don’t pile his plate full of seafood salad with mini octopi in it or expect him to try a mussel for the first time. Bring familiar foods from home and come with snacks. I plan to have food that he recognizes and likes on the table, along with the unfamiliar food, and he can make his food choices just like everyone else.
Lori Porcelli is a pediatric speech-language pathologist, international board certified lactation consultant (IBCLC), and co-owner of Playwell. She can be contacted at lori@playwelldc.com.
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