The "Energizer Bunny" Myth About Moms
“I’m so freaking tired.”
That is the mental mode I’m in most often; and while it’s been a thought in and out of my brain during my busier seasons of life, it seems to be on repeat since I became a mother.
And no wonder!
I have three tiny humans under my complete care. They need all of their waking (and sleeping) needs met every single day. They need to be fed - from my body, when they’re younger, and with a constant stream of snack fodder, meals and questionable mystery items when they’re older.
And when they’re not being fed by me? They’re raiding the fridge. Which means I need to keep it stocked. Which means trips to the stores, menu planning, and organized food sources for the hungry husband as well.
I also need to take care of their diapering, wiping their potty training butts, reminding them to put on underwear. And the laundry….
Laundry is the additional item that’s as constant as death and taxes. As soon as I have the energy to haul the basket of clean (not sorted or folded…who has time for that shit?) ones to the bedrooms, I’m filling it up and carting it back down again.
Sleep - lack of, needing sleep, wishing for sleep - is another item that our calendar rotates around. Babies getting to sleep on my chest while getting carpal tunnel from using my phone to do work and communicate with older humans while I’m trapped, the ping pong of putting older ones back in their rooms in the summer when it’s too light for the black out curtains to trap the fact that it’s still light out from my energized angels.
When it’s not sleep, laundry, food, diapering, it’s entertaining. It’s molding social norms and cues. It’s cultivating interests, being a musician and a teacher, a disciplinarian and a dancer, an explorer and a reader.
It’s exhausting.
What’s more exhausting is that our society, our family and most times my husband, expect me to be able to do all of this with boundless energy. And more.
Because, believe it or not, that’s not the end of my list of ‘to-dos’.
There’s the state of my house.
Work consults, prenatals, attending births, social media upkeep.
Website designer.
Placenta encapsulator.
Business owner.
Community leader and collaborator.
If you’re not tired wondering when and where I get all of the energy and time, don’t worry. I don’t.
It does not all get done.
I go to bed most nights with a dozen arrows on my to-do list pointing to the next calendar day, an array of crossed out and rescheduled moments. It’s so overwhelming at times that I feel like an octopus.
But this, this, THIS is what causes so many mothers - with ALL of their roles - to feel so isolated and alone and overworked.
Because THEY ARE.
Unfortunately, when we’re at our lowest, the most unrecognizable form of who we were before assuming the role (which we love) of being Mom, we pick ourselves up, get some grit, and get it done. And this is what keeps the vicious cycle going.
When you have a child, or two, or more, the pressure to be the Energizer bunny with boundless energy and keep the factory running is so high. Sometimes it’s just you putting that pressure on yourself, sometimes it’s the Insta-fabulous feeds of others.
Newsflash: you don’t need to do this.
If it feels good for you, do it. If you need to outsource, there are wonderful people (like postpartum doulas) who can take care of the bullshit like laundry and meal planning and some of the Mary Poppins moments you’ve planned and take care of YOU.
Because someone needs to take care of you! And the first step in taking care of yourself is letting go of the things that do.not.serve.you.
But please, don’t feel like you need to be an Energizer bunny. You’re amazing. But that bunny is wack.
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