How Old Is "Too Old" To Breastfeed?
“Oh my...you’re still...um…breastfeeding.” That was what I heard at a Bible study group last spring when my almost 3 year old pulled up my shirt and asked for ‘babas, please.” When he asked I thought nothing of it. We were in a house he had never been in before, around people he did not know, and it was 1 pm which is usually our quiet, snuggle time. It wasn’t like I pulled out a pair of perfect perky breasts and flashed everyone. I discretely put my son on my lap and he nuzzled in under my shirt and got what he needed and then happily went off to play. But the look of horror in this mother’s face blew my mind. I started explaining that we were planning on adopting and I Really wanted to breastfeed our adopted baby anyway, so breastfeeding Finn wasn’t a big deal. But as the words started to come out of my mouth, I realized, she wasn’t listening. In that moment for the first time ever, I was breastfeeding shamed. I have been pregnant and/or breastfeeding since 2005 (give or take parts of 2007, I can’t remember exactly.) and this was the first time I ever felt breastfeeding shamed. Needless to say, we did not go back to that group. The crazy thing was, I thought I knew these women. We had spent a every other Tuesday together for a few months now.
I remember a few years ago a casual friend told me that I needed to “have a talk” with her friend who was really just a casual acquaintance of mine. This momma was “still” breastfeeding her 3 year old, who happened to have some developmental delays. No way was I going to tell this mom to stop breastfeeding. First off, it is none of my business. Let that momma breast feed as long as she wants. Second off, after everything that mom and baby went through to get to breastfeeding, this is a big deal and they deserve that.
Why is ok, to question a mother who breastfeeds “too long?” Do we question a mother who gives their child anything else to eat or drink? Would you ever go up to a mom who was letting their 3 year drink a juice box and ask them when were they planning on stopping the juice box? No, of course not.
I am a lactation consultant but that is not why I am pro breastfeeding or still breastfeeding my 3 year old. I never intended to breastfeed this long, it just happened. My goodness breastfeeding was so hard for us in the beginning. So hard and I was so embarrassed to admit it. After all, here I am supposedly an expert in breastfeeding and I am horrible at it! But after about 2 months we got the hang of it. At year, we were just happy in our routine. We also decided that we wanted to adopt. (I know, what you are thinking, dude don’t you have enough kids already?). The idea of breast feeding an adopted baby meant a lot to me. I have helped so many moms with induced lactation and/or relactation. We are approved to adopt but are impatiently waiting for a mom to pick our family. As Finn turned 2 I wondered if we would be weaning soon. I left him a lot this summer for Army stuff and he always asked for “babas” when I got back. I would like to believe that soon we will get “that “call and some mom will decide that we are the family to raise her baby. Finn is now 3 and if and when we get that call and we are still breastfeeding I may be tandem nursing, who knows.
SO now, let’s address this “extended breastfeeding.” That is such an arbitrary term. The WHO recommends breastfeeding until 3. In other countries women breastfeed anywhere from the ages of 2-7. Yes, I said 7. I personally don’t think I am that committed. I am easily distracted and besides, I think I might be a wee touched out. The benefits of breastfeeding don’t end at 3 months or 6 months or even 2 years. My 3 year old, tends to skip meals occasionally and I don’t worry too much because I know that my milk changes based on his nutritional needs. I am also lazy, and the easiest way to get Finn to calm down, nap or go to bed is to breast feed. Breast feeding isn’t always about nutrition. It is about comfort and bonding too. Finn is feisty and independent and yet still comes back to me for a baba or two and then goes back to whatever he was doing. And there is nothing sexual about breastfeeding your 3 year old.
I am a very much you do you person. Breastfeeding isn’t your thing. OK, don’t breastfeed. In the land of rainbows and unicorns, I wish everyone breastfed, but everyone has the right to choose how they feed their baby. Breast feed for a day or 1100 days, it doesn’t matter. Just don’t be a mother judger.
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