When Things Don’t Go As Planned
Photo courtesy of April Davidson Bly Photography
It’s no secret that birth is unpredictable no matter how much we plan. As doulas, we know first hand that expectations are not always met during labor, delivery, and postpartum. One of the most important ways we support our clients is by helping them process their experience, and giving a non-judgemental listening ear. Here are some important things to remember when things don’t go as planned.
Your feelings are valid.
You and your partner are allowed to feel disappointed, angry, sad, frustrated, and anything in between. Though it’s hard not to feel guilty for being upset, you’ve been through a lot, and it is okay to mourn a lost experience. Don’t feel like you need to hide these feelings, especially with medical professionals.
You are not alone.
You are not the first to encounter an unexpected change in your birth plans, and you won’t be the last. Know that others have faced these challenges and reached the light at the end of the tunnel. Reach out on forums and chat with other families who have struggled. Your doula or provider have a wealth of resources they can offer. This may help to ease your mind and focus on the long term recovery.
Know when to speak up.
You can only grin and bear it so long. It takes strength to be vulnerable, but it is important that you are getting the care you need. Whether you are struggling physically, emotionally, mentally, or any combination of the three, don’t let symptoms go unchecked. You deserve to be happy and healthy.
Let go of blame.
It’s likely that there are a dozen “what if”s floating around in your mind as you wonder what could have been. It’s important that you know this is not your fault. Instead of agonizing over the past, focus on what you can do for the future.
You’re doing an amazing job.
Be kind and patient with yourself. Give yourself time and space to heal, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You’ve got this!
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