Who's Getting Up With Baby?
I rule my life by a common thread of equality. Everyone should be on equal, even playing fields to make sure no one is doing too much of the brunt of the work, feel heard, and be supported.
Naturally, this extended to my philosophy about middle of the night duties when I was preparing for my first child.
If I was getting up to feed, shouldn’t my partner be getting up some of the time too?
We settled into a routine of having my partner get up and change the baby when he woke, then hand him back to me to nurse and settle to sleep, while - in theory - going back to his slumber.
In the first days, the poor man was torn. He wanted to be encouraging, so he would stay up with me the full 45 minutes it took to nurse our poor little guy back to sleep.
This quickly became draining for not only me, but for him as well. We decided it made more sense for him to just go back to sleep after handing the baby over, but that didn’t work either - he couldn’t fall back asleep since he’d already gotten up.
Additionally, the thought occurred to us that I should get up and take the baby to the nursery to nurse - but then I was falling asleep in the rocker, and it seemed insurmountable to wake up at the drop of a hat, something I felt terribly guilty about since as a Mom, shouldn’t I have the innate ability to just spring to action no matter the hour?
An exhausting struggle, isn’t it?
It wasn’t feasible for us to do what some others did, since my husband had to go back to work a week after having our son. I was too tired to bear it all alone, so we tried our best to adjust but quickly depleted our reserve stores of sleep.
The bottom line answer is that each family has unique needs. Who is getting up with baby (and when) will be different for every family. Sometimes the answer is neither of you do - or one or two days a week, you allow a professional to assist with sleep and feeding needs so you can recharge for the week ahead.
And that’s ok.
Knowing your unique needs means that you’re as prepared to reach out for what you need when you know having your needs met will greatly benefit your baby’s care in the long run.
And if all else fails - you can always rock paper scissors for whose turn it is to get up with the baby.
That’s been working for us recently!
I rule my life by a common thread of equality. Everyone should be on equal, even playing fields to make sure no one is doing too much of the brunt of the work, feel heard, and be supported.
Naturally, this extended to my philosophy about middle of the night duties when I was preparing for my first child.
If I was getting up to feed, shouldn’t my partner be getting up some of the time too?
We settled into a routine of having my partner get up and change the baby when he woke, then hand him back to me to nurse and settle to sleep, while - in theory - going back to his slumber.
In the first days, the poor man was torn. He wanted to be encouraging, so he would stay up with me the full 45 minutes it took to nurse our poor little guy back to sleep.
This quickly became draining for not only me, but for him as well. We decided it made more sense for him to just go back to sleep after handing the baby over, but that didn’t work either - he couldn’t fall back asleep since he’d already gotten up.
Additionally, the thought occurred to us that I should get up and take the baby to the nursery to nurse - but then I was falling asleep in the rocker, and it seemed insurmountable to wake up at the drop of a hat, something I felt terribly guilty about since as a Mom, shouldn’t I have the innate ability to just spring to action no matter the hour?
An exhausting struggle, isn’t it?
It wasn’t feasible for us to do what some others did, since my husband had to go back to work a week after having our son. I was too tired to bear it all alone, so we tried our best to adjust but quickly depleted our reserve stores of sleep.
The bottom line answer is that each family has unique needs. Who is getting up with baby (and when) will be different for every family. Sometimes the answer is neither of you do - or one or two days a week, you allow a professional to assist with sleep and feeding needs so you can recharge for the week ahead.
And that’s ok.
Knowing your unique needs means that you’re as prepared to reach out for what you need when you know having your needs met will greatly benefit your baby’s care in the long run.
And if all else fails - you can always rock paper scissors for whose turn it is to get up with the baby.
That’s been working for us recently
I rule my life by a common thread of equality. Everyone should be on equal, even playing fields to make sure no one is doing too much of the brunt of the work, feel heard, and be supported.
Naturally, this extended to my philosophy about middle of the night duties when I was preparing for my first child.
If I was getting up to feed, shouldn’t my partner be getting up some of the time too?
We settled into a routine of having my partner get up and change the baby when he woke, then hand him back to me to nurse and settle to sleep, while - in theory - going back to his slumber.
In the first days, the poor man was torn. He wanted to be encouraging, so he would stay up with me the full 45 minutes it took to nurse our poor little guy back to sleep.
This quickly became draining for not only me, but for him as well. We decided it made more sense for him to just go back to sleep after handing the baby over, but that didn’t work either - he couldn’t fall back asleep since he’d already gotten up.
Additionally, the thought occurred to us that I should get up and take the baby to the nursery to nurse - but then I was falling asleep in the rocker, and it seemed insurmountable to wake up at the drop of a hat, something I felt terribly guilty about since as a Mom, shouldn’t I have the innate ability to just spring to action no matter the hour?
An exhausting struggle, isn’t it?
It wasn’t feasible for us to do what some others did, since my husband had to go back to work a week after having our son. I was too tired to bear it all alone, so we tried our best to adjust but quickly depleted our reserve stores of sleep.
The bottom line answer is that each family has unique needs. Who is getting up with baby (and when) will be different for every family. Sometimes the answer is neither of you do - or one or two days a week, you allow a professional to assist with sleep and feeding needs so you can recharge for the week ahead.
And that’s ok.
Knowing your unique needs means that you’re as prepared to reach out for what you need when you know having your needs met will greatly benefit your baby’s care in the long run.
And if all else fails - you can always rock paper scissors for whose turn it is to get up with the baby.
That’s been working for us recently!
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