Yes, I Let My Kids Play Rough...And I'm OK With It!
Yes, I see you staring at me while watching my boys play. Or staring at my boys out of the corner of your eye. You’re probably wondering why I don’t interfere with their rough housing in public places. We’re at a bounce house, so I’m sure you expected some rough and tumble, but now that my boys are engaging in a WWE cage match in the center bounce house, you’re probably wishing we weren’t here.
Don’t worry. I do see them. It’s not that I don’t care, or that I’ve given up (well…some days maybe I have).
It’s that I let my boys play that way, and as long as they’re respecting others’ play space, I’m not going to ask them to stop.
I wish that my boys were gentle all of the time. Or some of the time. Or at all. I realized a long time ago from watching their interactions that they’re going to play this way, no matter how many times I give them time outs for touching, for pushing, for being, in my perspective, rough. Over time, I learned to see that no one was getting hurt, smiles were still on faces, and if I didn’t intervene all the time, the rough play stopped sooner, and the boys moved on to other gentler activities.
Playing rough is part of their language with each other. It helps them to connect and communicate and has been going on for, well, as long as they’ve both been able to play that way.
It helps them create and respect their personal boundaries of how far its too far, and they are learning to know when enough is enough.
If they don’t learn, they cross the line and realize when they need to back off, usually in a setting where they won’t get dangerously hurt. I want to be able to foster that, while also letting others know that I’m watching, I’m listening, and I’m mindful that not all families condone rough play.
In public settings, it’s often really hard for me to focus on enjoying my boys. I’m so afraid they’re going to crash into someone else, or cross that line of fun and fear with someone they just met. Sometimes, that happens. Most of the time, it doesn’t.
While my kids play roughly with each other, we are instilling in them that they need to be cautious and respectful of others’ methods and modes of play and that gentle behavior usually wins out in those situations.
If someone else instigates roughness and my boys want to join, great! If they approach someone and that kiddo is not having it, they need to stop.
Being able to click on and off of their body awareness is a work in progress and we do NOT have it down, but I am glad that we’re working towards exploring those limits.
So, if you see us at the bounce houses, playgrounds and parks, and my boys start to tumble into the grass on top of each other, don’t worry. I’m watching, and no, I’m not going to pull them apart. If you watch for a bit longer, you’ll see them get up, hug, and walk hand in hand to the playground to play gently with other kids. For now, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Comments